I went out for Halloween last night, and spent some time with the other postgrad students from my course and the related Writing MA. We talked a little about where we saw our career paths heading, and before I knew it, I was expressing all this concern about how I might not have what it takes.
I’ve been feeling bad for posting that rant about Ruby Sparks, partly because it seems to imply that I didn’t “get” the movie. I understood what was happening. I saw the skewering of the Manic Pixie Dream Girl trope; I just didn’t think it was done well.
Still, the possibility that I might have somehow missed the point of the film (a lot of reviewers loved Ruby Sparks) started this spiral of self-doubt and I ended up spending part of Halloween night worrying about my future ambitions.
I started this program because I want to edit fiction, but what if I haven’t read enough to know good fiction when I see it? I don’t even have a literature course this semester. It’s the same with the job hunt – I really wanted to work in Irish publishing during my time here, but it’s looking less and less likely that it’s going to happen.
I’m hoping to use the start of a new month to sort of refocus on my goals and maybe recalibrate exactly what it is I think I’m doing here.